A copy of these questions should be given to both the man and woman to answer for themselves. Then they should get together and discuss what each has written and come to a mutual understanding and agreement on these topics. Problem areas can be discussed with the pastor or a parent.
1. Why do you feel that this is the person for you to marry?
2. What are your goals, aspirations, wants, and needs? Have you discussed these with your future husband or wife?
3. Where do you plan to live? What if your job or your future mate’s job necessitates a move to a new location in another city or state? What would you do?
4. Would being married to someone who makes more money than you and is more “successful” be a problem to you?
5. Can you trust the one you plan to marry to be faithful to you when you are apart from each other because of your or his/her job, etc.? Could you trust him/her to go to a high school or college reunion without you? Could you trust him/her if they had to be gone away for a few days on business?
6. Who will have greater influence on your marriage?
a. Parents and what they think and want
b. Your mate and you
c. Friends and their suggestions
d. The job and its demands
7. Who will be the primary one to handle the money in the family? If somehow the answer is “both” then how do you plan to do this? Money needs to be discussed before marriage even if you both have low salaries or no salaries!
8. Are you both Christians? Do you both attend church regularly? What are your plans for church attendance after marriage? Where do you plan to go? Do you plan to tithe and give to the church?
9. How many children do you plan to have? How soon after marriage? Have you discussed how children are to be disciplined? This needs to be discussed?
10. What about your future husband or wife would you like to change after marriage?
The way a person is before marriage seldom changes after marriage just because the other party hopes they will. If you marry someone who drinks, smokes, uses drugs, etc. he/she will probably continue to do so after marriage. It will take more than just saying “I do” and “I love you” to cause real change in a person!
11. Who will do the housework or will it be shared? How? Who will cook?
12. How do you relate now to your future in-laws? How does your future mate get along with your parents and best friend? Does your parents approve of this marriage?
If not, ask yourself why not!
13. Have you discussed your activities and leisure time likes together?
Such as Sports TV Movies Art Music Politics Hobbies Travel Reading Business Activities beyond office hours Clubs and Organizations
14. Place these in order of importance? a. job
b. hobbies
c. friends
d. God
e. family
f. my husband or wife g. money
What should be the correct order?
14. Are you the “jealous type” of person?
15. Are you a very “possessive” person when it comes to the person you plan to marry?
16. Are you a trusting or mistrusting person generally speaking?
There is a difference between a cautious person and a mistrusting person.
17. What do you consider to be your worst faults, weaknesses, and habits? Have you discussed these? I might be good to tell the other person. Are you working to improve on these things?
18. Are you a good listener?
19. Everyone needs some “space” for himself or herself. Time alone to read, go shopping, hunting, to be by themselves, work on a hobby, etc.. Do you think this will be a problem when one wants “space” for a while and the other doesn’t.
20. Do you feel that you have the ability to forgive and forget when your mate makes mistakes, maybe hurts your feelings, forgets an important date, or does or says something insensitive to you?
A successful marriage is one of give and take, and occasionally one of forgive and forget.
21. Are you a person who cannot say “I am sorry” or “Please forgive me”? Are you a person who thinks they are always right or who will never admit they are wrong?
If so, look for problems.
22. Are you controlling? Are you abusive?
Warning: If the one you are getting ready to marry has ever hit you while in an argument, even if the person said they were sorry later, DO NOT MARRY HIM/HER. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!
23. Do you get angry easily? Are you quick tempered?
24. Are you entering this marriage primarily to get or to give?
25. Are you in a situation where your relationship to your mate will be affected by your relationship to a parent or close friend? i.e. Are you going to be a “mother’s boy” more than a “wife’s husband” or “a mother’s girl” more than a “man’s wife”?
26. When a man or woman decides to marry they must realize that they must break certain allegiances and make a new one.
The most important person in the world to them is to be their husband or wife. This does not mean that parents or friends are to be forgotten or neglected. But if one must be chosen over another then chose your mate!
Only God has a right to your life and decisions more than your mate but only God!
They should develop an intimacy and oneness yet some space and freedom. There should be togetherness with common interests and yet some individualism with personal interests.
The two extremes are to neglect the other person and to smother the other person. Neither of these is good.
Everyone is an individual and no two couples are alike. You will have to make it work for you. No one else can. With God as the Third Person in your marriage, it can and will work. Do you believe this?
By Dr. Joseph R. Wallis
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